Over the next few weeks author Laurie Krieg shares her story about same-sex attraction. She felt alone, judgment (both internal and external) that she was (is) the worst, wrestled with her identity, and felt hopeless. In this series, Laurie tackles each one of these lies and dispels them.

This Part 2 of a four part series from Laurie. Access the rest of the series here:

We Are Not Alone | We Are Not the Worst | What Am I? | Airplane Lines Offer Hope


 

The last time I wrote, I talked about how those of us who have same-sex attractions are not alone, nor does God detest us. We are beloved.

 

But some people think we are the worst type of sinners on planet Earth.

 

Have you experienced this?

 

Have you felt the sting of sharing that you have same-sex attractions to a friend or family member and received judgment? Has anyone viewed you like you were a crazy sex-maniac who might jump him or her at any moment?

 

I’ve felt this too. And for some reason I’ve felt like I deserved it.

 

Why is this? Sin is sin. The condemnation the Bible has on homosexuality is on the same-sex act (not on the person with the attractions). Granted, Jesus draws the line further by saying we can’t mentally engage in same-sex acts, and the apostle Paul says sexual sin affects us more than others—but isn’t all sexual sin still sin?

 

Homosexual attraction is so foreign to many in the church that their immediate reaction of disgust becomes the only response we see before slamming our mouths shut. Hide, we think. Im gross. The chances of a healthy relationship are virtually eliminated.

 

The only way I was able to overcome my self-hatred to see that perhaps the Bible’s sin-equating words were true was through supernatural love from another human.

 

Matt was just a friend when I told him of my same-sex relationship and ongoing attractions. He didn’t flinch. “Why don’t you hate me?” I cried. I hated myself. I thought the church hated me, and many days, I believed God did too. “Why don’t you think I’m disgusting?”

 

 

Wearenotheworst

 

“God is giving me love for you,” Matt said sincerely. “Jesus is pouring his love out to you.”

 

Matt wasn’t some angel. Even two years before he could have been categorized with many other intentional or unintentional homophobic people. He used the words fag and gay to describe things he did not like.

 

God changed his attitude by bringing gay friends into his life. Matt could no longer say negative things about them after hearing their stories and getting to know them as people.

 

So when I came along, Matt was ready to love.

 

This was incredibly helpful because although I knew what the Bible said about sin being equal, it didn’t matter. Church culture predisposed me to self-hatred.

 

I had heard pastors say “That’s so gay” in reference to something they did not like. Making fun of an effeminate boy or masculine girl seemed to be fair game in church circles.

 

I hated myself, and I felt like church people hated me too—but not this guy. Not this church person. He didn’t just say sin was equal, he showed me by loving me as much as he loved himself.

 

That love was attractive. (So attractive, in fact, that I ended up marrying him…but that’s another story for another day!)

 

You might be sitting there reading this thinking, “Well, whoopee for you. My church, family, and friends would never love and accept me with these attractions. All I see and hear and feel is hatred from them, and I feel it for myself.”

 

That might be true. But let me believe for you like Matt believed for me:

 

God loves you, dear friend. If he could love the riffraff of his day—tax collectorsprostitutes, and failures—he can love us.

 

Who you are is not your sexuality. Who you are is incredibly loved, no matter what.

 

I pray that as you read this and future stories I am writing in the weeks to come you can feel God’s hand on your face, looking deeply into your eyes—to your soul—saying, “I love you. I love you. I love you. You cannot escape from my love. No matter what.”

 

You, my dear brother, my dear sister, are definitely not the worst.

 


 

This Part 2 of a four part series from Laurie. Access the rest of the series here:

We Are Not Alone | We Are Not the Worst | What Am I? | Airplane Lines Offer Hope